Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
