I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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