Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
