I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
nutella sex= disaster
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
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