This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
