how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
