you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
