You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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