Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
