Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
