Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
