Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
