I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
