i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
