Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
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