Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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