We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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