We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
