you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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