Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
smell my finger.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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