No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize