Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
