bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The beer is more important than you right now.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
