You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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