Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Randomize
