wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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