We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
cat food counts as protein by the way
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
