I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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