btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
