Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
