I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
