I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
