DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
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the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
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I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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