I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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