spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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