At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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