he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
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I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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