party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
