Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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