hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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