I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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