I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
