I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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