Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
