is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
