And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
