Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
