I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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