wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
