All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
