he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
