is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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