Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
