Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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