ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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