I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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