so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
