The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Randomize
