absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
