Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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