I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
