how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
