took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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