my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
