omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
