The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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