Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
