Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
