last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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