I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
4 words: hood of his car
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
