Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
