Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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