This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
