My balls are so social today.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
