Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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