she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
